So, to continue the story I started on Facebook Hobbers gets in from work on Sunday morning, watches a bit of Mad Men (awesome), goes to bed, gets up (as is the natural progession of things) goes for a run, has breakfast, has a fag at the back door and notices that, strangely, her back gate is open! Odd? Well Oui, so off I trot to investigate and shut said gate. I then happen to glance at my washing line and notice some empty pegs and a distanct lack off smalls! Yes I know I left my washing out overnight, who are you my mother? Sorry mother Hobday!
But seriously who does that?
Well according to the police either a homeless person who stole them to sell on or, quote, “a deviant”!! I’m not sure which I would prefer. I couldn’t help but feel slightly amused, slightly weirded out and worst of all I’m already £35 quid out of pocket and that’s just to begin replacing all that was taken, (literally all my pants) I could claim on the insurance but really the police involvement was bad enough. Yes I realise the police may seem a bit dramatic but Big Trev was naturally concerned and protective about the fact that someone had robbed his little girl and left her bereft of winter warmers and you KNOW how cold it gets. Brother Helen was less concerned and sent me a text that read “Just seen a dude in trench coat and NHS glasses leggin it across St Martins field with a thong on his head”! Needless to say it was quite the defining moment of the weekend when I slinked up to the front desk of her majesties finest and tried to say with as much conviction as possible (no pun intended) “Someones knicked my knickers!”
As an experiment this weekend I’m thinking about leaving shit stained butt huggers adorning the line just to see what happens, or is that tempting fate? I don’t care, I have no shame left. Adding to the fact that I’ve basically just implied that I have skidders on my smalls there is a distinct chance that someone out there is wearing my underwear, or else they’ve flogged them and someone else is wearing them. Either way SOMEONE ELSE is wearing my underwear and not in a kinky confined to the bedroom kind of way.
Well that’s my humiliation sealed right there, mostly through my own ramblings. Oh well it could be worse, I could be the kind of person who breaks into peoples gardens and steals their knickers. Bunch of savages in this town!